I Was Right

Good to see that I was right.

Fuck it all.

Don’t care enough to fight.

Just keep doin you…

You’re good at that.

 

Lucky for you, I’m not a vengeful bitch

But I gotta say , while I don’t hate you……I despise your existence.

The thought of you kinda makes my hand start twitchin.

Talk a good game, but it got lost in translation.

 

Consistently inconsistent

Truth not reminiscent

Words off your lips… lackin conviction

 

The sound of your voice, it makes me physically sick

Gravely ill

I really hope you wrote a will

Cuz Karma’s a bad bitch, and she’s lookin to kill.

 

You’re dead to me.

You Are What You Think

 

Body  tired

Mind expired

One day  at a time

Getting  re-inspired.

 

Looking at people with new perspective

Figuring out what’s effective

Realizing we’re all just a bit defective.

 

Perfectly imperfect

Demanding respect

Take time to reflect and

Make brain cells connect.

 

You are what you think.

Disrespectful

Disrespectful. Diabolical

Sadistic and Immoral

Evil so bad, all the above are plural

In too deep, filling your pleural space

A pained expression etched all over your face.

Surrounding your lungs

Permeating your breath,

Causing you to speak in tongue.

 

What should’ve been your expiring

Expiration,

Was only preceded by a respiratory deviation.

 

Deviated brain waves make for

Fucked up thought patterns.

Mind gone somewhere out past Saturn.

 

Spirit….cement heavy

Stuck on auto-pilot.

Spirit….quickly descending

Senses no longer pending

All the rules permanently bending.

 

What message are you really sending?

Foolish acts, never ending

Clock running out, time is spending

Your past acts, there is no defending

 

Just so damn disrespectful.

Liar

You lie so much about little shit,
how can I trust you about anything important?

So far, I've counted 7,
and that's just today......8 in the morning.

I haven't the inclinatiom to dissect and
analyze every syllable that slides past
those big lying lips.

True/False.....Real/Fake
Billshit, Fraudulent

From now on, your entire existance is false,
and that's my honest truth..
The only honest thing you ever did was keep it real about how fake you really are.

I've often tried to hypothesize
the logic behind your lies.

Conclusion: you lie to maintain a facade....Deception in an attempt
to hide your real self.....odd.
You care so much about what others have,
Who they THINK you are.
You're afraid if they knew the REAL you,
they wouldn't accept you AS IS.


The sad thing is you can't even accept yourself AS IS,
so you pitifully lie to modify.

Denial about being in denial
You lied so much until your TRAGIC perception became
you INSIPID reality.

INCEPTION

Do you even know who you are??
You are the epitome of a reality manipulated into a magnified, distorted image
of who you will NEVER be.
All of this, you are too blind to see......
When God made you, it was how He wanted you; not some self concluded
delusion of grandeur.

Cut

As I sit here staring at this empty page,
I'm also sorting out the chaos in my mind.
My heart no longer broken,
but grasping to hold onto a token of my old self.

Freeing the ties that bind
.
Behind these glowing brown eyes, lies a tormented
mind full of anguish and confusion over
where to draw the line.

A line drawn by me and felt by many.
I've cut off my emotions from the sights of plenty.
The order of my life goes: everybody else.....and THEN me.
On the inside, I bleed profusely the feelings I'm afraid to let out for my own sake.

I don't know how much more I can take.

Slit my wrist and watch my tears and blood mix into a new Red sea.
The only sounds I hear now are me dying, and the feelings from this bottle
taking me flying........
only to nose dive into my final peace and quiet.

Worn

Worn out
Mind, body, and spirit
The three to collide in an impending train wreck,
mind so fried, it laid itself to the side.
Thoughts bouncing on the walls of my cracked cranium....
And all along I thought I was made from titanium.
WEAK
Body depleted, exhausted, exacerbated
from being overworked and disrespected
Perpetually feeling like Atlas,
with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
My spirit is hungry and thirsty
Starved and deprived at times
Always carrying other's burdens
Heart is heavy like lead,
while I walk this Earth dragging my feet.
My rest comes when I get laid down deep.
R.I.P ME

Contemplation

Staring out my window
Tears falling from my eyes like the
rain in the sky
Occular Precipitation is what I call it.......
It sounds more important that way,
Stress built up from a culmination
of destroyed smiles and dashed dreams
Fury bursting at the seams
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I just wanna scream!
But that never seems to help
I scream 'til I lost my voice
Now I have no choice but to put my pen to paper.
My paper always hears me and never judges
Doesn't look down on me for past held grudges
Only I can see past all my old character smudges.
For now, it's just me in contemplative seclusion with my pen and paper

Noise Interrupted

So loud.......All I ever hear is the superficial
peripheral noise that constantly
surrounds me. Can't even hear my own head hurt.

Wait a minute....
let me turn the world down, and mute my mind........
Pushing all my troubles down....down....down to the lowest depths of hell
in the hope that they never come back.

There. That's much better.
Now it's me and the peace of my heartbeat.
Thinking freely, I can begin to
see myself for what I really am and who I can really be
without my past making my present tense and my future interrupted.

PULSE

P-wave….Atrial Contraction

Heart heating….

Brain beating….

Mind blowing….

Temperature rising…

Juices freely flowing.

Facial expression frozen…

Hoping this feeling never ends

From my core, my inner self extends.

Hot chills sent down my spine

Nerve endings standing all in a line.

 

QRS-complex

Excited….nervously anticipating…

The next sensory overload.

Senses heightened,

Got me feeling enlightened

A simple touch will make me explode violently

I like it rough…..so be gentle defiantly

 

T-wave

Exterminate my desire,

Repolarize my senses

Leave me breathless

Fear

Fear of the unknown or fear of becoming a mindless drone? That is my only question tonight.

My day was going fine, then at the drop of a dime; I was suddenly runnning out of time.
As I write this at this very moment, a 1000 questions fly through my mind while my tears of frustration all fall in a steady line.

I was always told to never ask what's next......but I'm so fuckin tired of surprises!
I want to know how much time I have left!

Sittin here feeling like Dora the Explorer
Tired of finding out shit the hard way.
Wake up every morning and open my eyes like the box of Pandora.

Keep asking God for more strength, wisdom, patience and courage
How will I know when I'm at the end of my rope??
Right now I feel like I'm about to choke

2 Years Wasted

2 years smiling through the pain and laughing with tear-stained eyes.
Smiling because I knew my time was coming
Laughing because I knew you had no clue what was in the shadows lurking.

Control-freak- paranoid- sociopath- psychotic
So many deplorable superlatives that define you. Somehow you became a faceless, soulless entity cloaked in the darkness of hate.

2 years of my life wasted. No refunds or do-overs. Lessons learned and feelings burned.
My heart became black as the street where I threw your belongings. Ill-gotten gains for you to take on the next train smokin to where the devil reigns.

2 years I dealt with identity theft. I stole my identity from myself.
Lost- gone- trapped- scared- scarred- mind marred.
For those 2 years, this defined the new me. True thoughts never to be set free. My mind was my own prison. Maximum security.
One day, it was all over, I could once again walk with my head held high and not down or over my shoulder.
Elated- blessed- grateful- stronger- determined to never again have my time wasted.

Silence Out Loud

I know God is gon bless me for the life I'm leadin
But why does it always feel like my lonely heart got stabbed while its was beatin?

In a group of many, yet trapped in the solitary confinement of my mind
These heavy burdens of my spirit are often the ties that bind.

My life is often like a bad made -for-tv movie.
I'm stuck in the tv repeating the same scene cuz nobody see me.
Screamin out for help cuz nobody hears me.

I don't cry out loud, but I do it frequently silently.......internally so as not to add to the cacophony.
Hope I don't live the rest of my life stressfully chaotically, tragically........
ALONE

The Dream

When I looked into your eyes last night,
the stars aligned and the moon brightly shined.
Something reminiscent of love became entrenched in my brain.
The deep timber of your voice sent shivers through my body
Resonating deep in my mind, never to become an after thought
Recalibrating my senses to be totally in tune with you.
To look at my future, I can always see you.....not your face because I haven't met you yet; but your spirit.
Suddenly, I wake up from my blissful sleep only to realize this was all just a beautiful dream and yu're real only to me.

The Road To Nowhere

The Road to No where
You had so much potential, but with no way to apply it.
I greatly appreciated you as a friend.
Never tried to hide it.

Change
The person you are now is unrecognisable.
Can't respect it, don't have the inclination to dissect it.
Hope you don't cross the wrong bridge after burning all others
Trying to make an impossible sell
Lose all your worldly possessions during your slow painful descent into hell.
You told more lies than the bible got verses
Lie so smooth, sounds like you rehearsed it......easy

One day those lies will catch up to you and leave ya family at the church wondering where your hearse is.

Runnin'

Runnin, runnin, runnin
Runnin so fast, I feel lm out my fuckin mind
Crazy at 1/2 mast.
No damn gas......thoughts fleeting like dreams of the past.
Mind racin like speed of light
E=mc2 all day n all night.
Me=2 busy2fight
Time delegated to everything under the sun
Cuz I began to realize that I can only depend on 1.
That's cool, cuz when shit hits the fan; I have nobody to blame but me.
Here I stand.

Mind of a Sinner

In the mind of a sinner
The devil is clearly the winner.
Breeding busy thoughts of evil
Constantly deceitful
Incessantly deceptive
Mind decrepit
Full of negativity
Stoic brooding duplicity

Smiling.
Not out of joy
But out of terrible depravity.

Soul is gone
Repeated forgotten repentance
The epic death sentence
However, satan has no shape
He transcends it.
Covertly coveting, disturbingly imploring
silently exploring
the next lost mind to invade
Cavalcade of menacing customs
Satanic cataclysmic catastrophe
Will be the impetus to the demise of
many.

Verbal Exploitation

Transgression
Manifestation
of past inclination
to mental depredation

A proclamation to not
rise above a current
situation

an affirmation to moral degradation
profound cerebral complacent
contemplation

Observed by all
in a world filled with
Desolate desperation.

Caged Bird

I figured out why the caged bird sings;
It got tired of screaming 'til its ears were tingling
Bleeding auditorily
The pain that coincides with the noisiness bouncing off the bars
Trapped
Inside a tiny room, where if it cries, does it even make a sound?
Maybe, but it is fully aware of its impending doom........
A solitary life singing its heart out in an empty room.

Poisined Ink

Mind debilitated
Thoughts running a muck
ceasing to give a fuck.
Psych ward.
Blink.

Walls closing in
Perhaps internally, but not physically.
maybe its a result of the mind's grey matter turning black
Due to lack........
Of everything.
Brain dead.
Can't think.

So much pain and turmoil
even the paper aches at the touch of the pen. Brain spinning. Trying to remember the cause of this immeasurable agony and its place of origin.
Pages feeling overwhelmed.
asphyxiated by the venom being spewed from this poisonous ink.
Lines in a battle to be more than a guiding force, more than mere support.
words begin to dominate the space though.
Neither side winning or losing, as all intended feelings are felt and the last drop of emotionally poisoned ink has been expelled.

Horrific Slumber

Time flying at warp speed
Horrific acts occur because you didn't take heed.
Tragically indifferent, yet immensely magic.
Starting to feel ridiculously spastic. Sleeping with 1 eye shut and the other 1/2 open.
Trying to wake up from this senile nightmare is harder than you were hoping.
Sit up quick, both eyes ajar. Epically, terrifyingly horrified.
In your head, scared out of your mind as sweat slowly drips.
Shook all the way to your clammy fingertips .
FEAR
Able to be smelled. Pungent. Seeping from your once clogged pores. In the clutches of terror and anticipating more.
SILENCE
Your mouth opens, but your sounds never arrive
That's your minds over compensation in an attempt to survive.
SLEEP
All this thinking, and fearfully dreading, whilst waiting for the inevitable gives you time to fall back asleep and re-dream your
demise.

Internal Deception

Lonely thoughts
In my mind, I've fought.
Finding true happiness
in a depressing world flowing over with spiritual drought.
Internal occular precipitation......spirit in need of serious resuscitation
Looking out through crying eyes
my facial expression a total lie.
A facade I despise
every smile is small deceit to myself.
My tears are the truth.
Releasing the parts of my soul that long since died.
Abandoned pieces of myself
Emotion absorbed my Kleenex,
yet never even processed by my cerebral cortex.
Heart is vacant,
refusing to deal with its own displacement
as a result of repeated introverted circumstantial debasement.
Effacement of the mind, spirit, and heart
Doomed to fail before I ever got to start.

Gasping

Gasping
held back ,
muted, muffled.
Open my mouth, only to have
sound shoved back down my throat.
Suffocated, stifled.
Choking on thoughts.
Stuck in an emotional drought
Gasping for air, for hope
Searching for ways to silently express myself.
Eyes desparate to cry, but tears refusing to fall...
for knowing the world can't handle it all.
Stuggling and fighting
the unyielding urge to concede defeat.
Failure.
Gasped my last terrifyingly insignificant last breath,
only to be swallowed whole by the darkness.