If I Knew Then What I Know Now

If I knew then what I know now

I would’ve kept on walking

Now I’m left with bad memories

My mind, it keeps on stalking

I wish I could annihilate the thought of you

For so long, my thoughts were consumed with the disastrous tragedy that possessed you

Possessed……..hmmm…..that’s a strong word

To allow someone or something to own..control…alter your feelings and actions….

An abomination to self

Subordination….to put your own feelings on the back shelf.

Indignation….a culmination of past reflections 

Acquired knowledge has been my best weapon

If I knew then what I know now……….

Who knows what would’ve happened??

Stuck

Stuck in the never ending maze of darkness

Searching for the light at the end of the tunnel

Only to realize that there is no end…and no light either.

The darkness

Infinite and bleak

Run as far and fast as possible, just to end up exactly where you started.

Stuck in a never ending maze of darkness

Searching for hope anywhere in the tunnel

Bitter

Bitter as fuck

Inconsistent as hell

Bullshit is all you continue to sell

Animosity with no fault but your own

Funny thing is, you always claimin to be grown

Assumptions made with no potential gain

You have plenty to lose, so you stay fraught with complaint.

Smiling through a black, bleak, and miserable heart.

The petty ass shit you do, underhanded and schemey

Hoe card got yanked and it reeks of jealousy

Tragedy killed your spirit before it got a good start

You turn bitchassness and sucka-shit into a fine art

The wall you built up made those who once gave a fuck too fuckin tired

Friendships once copious, have all since expired.

You fake as a $6 bill

In denial you remain, yet happily still

Lonely you shall become, due to wars you started but never won.

Infinity

Lost in infinity
Thee concept oft seems to bewilder
Time immeasurable
Concept of hours, minutes, and seconds
Constantly aware
Yet incomprehensible
Space complex, yet simple
Discriminant in the dissection of random
idiosyncrasies
mirror images reflecting 
black hole that decimated
the time continuum.
Thoughts having an indefinite moratorium
Conversion of the discordant
to the minutely agreeable
Being lost and found
Impossibly foreseeable odds are 
Highly implausible
Tangible, but never felt
Ceasing to exist, yet forever present

Remember To Forget Me

Remember when that 1 time when we were supposed to do that 1 thing??

No??

Hmm…..Me either…..

Forget me when it suits you

Remember me when it soothes you

Claim to be mine

But doing everything wrong….Stay steppin outta line

Ya mouth hella greasy….Lies slippin out too easy

Why bother lying?

Even before you thought up the lie, I already knew the truth.

Thoughts process too slow…..Need a mental reboot.

Remember that other time we almost went that other place??

Oh…you do??

Yeah…so do I.

Make plans til you find something better.

Fuck all that smoking and drinkin, getting fucked up shit….

 I’m a go getter.

Bored??

Oh…..now you wanna hang??

NOW you remember you’re still in a relationship??

Haha. Well right now I’m busy….so  YOU have to wait.

I won’t keep you waiting long…..just till I think you get the hint.

Lonely?? Miss me??

Uhh huh….I figured.

So how do you like it?

I don’t imagine you’re diggin the lesson.

Unfortunately I give about -20 fucks.

I have a solution to fix all these problems we keep having

We gon call it a wrap.

I’m not a damn tape recorder…..

You remember what you want, and what I’m not bout to do is keep repeating myself.

So check dig…

Since you act like you can’t seem to remember the simple shit I’ve asked you do…

Try real hard to remember to forget me .

Free

 Sometimes my mind and heart fight
 My heart wants freedom,
 so it tries to take flight 
But my mind needs stability, so it lays low
 Tired of getting hurt, so I move slow
 Permanently juxtapositional 
The questions I ask myself are usually rhetorical
 love may be the one thing I'm afraid to fall
....in
 Refusing to get taken for a sub-par spin.
 Questioning sanity 
Analyzing repetitious calamity
 Refusing to allow insipid circumstances to destroy my vanity
 Need a mental lobotomy to facilitate the ignoring of my emotional fuckery
 Free to sever ties and burn old bridges
 Free to be me with no fuck given 
 Free to have true peace of mind 
Free to let my heart find itself where it wants to be
 Free from the bondage of my own mentality
 Free to purely and simply be.....free.

Through the Eyes of a Casual Observer

Family's love hella strong

Knit close and tightly

Outsiders lookin in, not takin lightly

Perception screwed

Disillusions viewed

Reality funny, but ceases to amuse

Time put in

Paid all dues

But when shit hits the fan

Its all bad news

Friendships cast aside cuz no one has a clue

Feelings old, but newly told

Hearts got shattered cuz they never really mattered

A body has 1 head and 1 face right??

Nah, not this one. It has a few heads and plenty of faces.

All the give-a-shit seemingly gone with no traces

Calling a spade a spade

Dealing no aces

Couple of queens and a king watch

 While jokers are strollin paces

Words get muted

Stories too convoluted

Trust in need of being rebooted

Common enemy

Possible frenemy??

Plotted on by many

Made for a tumultuous ending

Unity, a sight for sore eyes

but like the blind leading the blind,

Somebody misplaced it.

Family....a term to be revised

DUAL SINGULARITY

To be alone in a couple is emotional suicide

The conceptual irregularity of dual singularity seems strange to me

In a way that material tangibilities

have more weight then theoretical possibilities

The technical definition of love

created in what might be the image of a lost art. 

falling from glory shattered like a broken heart.

To recognize your own hand in your demise

by allowing your heart to over shadow your mind .

The deal has been signed on the dotted line.

The loosely used term love fit like a glove

at the time

But now it is cause for intolerable decline . 

To tolerate yourself living life in rewind

is to now fast forward 3 years of hibernation and killing the blinds. 

Time spent ignoring the boredom, the thoughts of "what the fucks?!", and the please shut ups.

Somewhere along the way

happiness was a concept deemed hopelessly and eternally lost,

bypassed and kicked under a bridge.

Smiles turn down like a temp in the fridge

To live through such an implausible possibility

is truly as complicated as it appears to be

CAN'T

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Feelings fall
Tragedy sprawls, crawls
Face frozen like a painted doll
Stuck in the moment
Transfixed by what was left unfixed
Can't cry, can't try, can't lie
Gotta stop believing this shit can fly.

Sedentary physically
Mentally battling itself and losing a sense of self.
Psyche trying, yet steady nose diving
Please don't assume, there is no implying.

Saying what is meant
No Freudian slip
Free, like Gladys Knight with no Pips.
Solo.
Nobody else to blame
Stay chillin in the slow lane
Blow the image out the frame.
Forget preconceived notions of redundant irrelevant emotions.

Damnation
an incomplete circle of life
Common sense, apparently a complex
concoction made to avoid strife.

Mirrors reflect the eyes of an ruthless derelict
A terminal case of "Who gives a fuck?"
Same train of brain waves jumped the track
Self respect may never come back.

Seems all may be lost.....